Just want to share this speech delivered by David Foster Wallace sometime in 2005. Reading this for the first time I was not really sure if I sincerely understand the whole idea of what he meant because I tend to get lost in translation, but what made me read this over and over again(specially during my idle time) are these phrases between his speech that struck me (italicized below). 

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, “Morning, boys, how’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the hell is water?”

If at this moment, you’re worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise old fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don’t be. I am not the wise old fish. The immediate point of the fish story is that the most obvious, ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that are the hardest to see and talk about. Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude — but the fact is that, in the day-to-day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have life-or-death importance. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense.

A huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. Here’s one example of the utter wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe, the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely talk about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness, because it’s so socially repulsive, but it’s pretty much the same for all of us, deep down. It is our default-setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: There is no experience you’ve had that you were not at the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is right there in front of you, or behind you, to the left or right of you, on your TV, or your monitor, or whatever. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real — you get the idea. But please don’t worry that I’m getting ready to preach to you about compassion or other-directedness or the so-called “virtues.” This is not a matter of virtue — it’s a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default-setting, which is to be deeply and literally self-centered, and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self.

People who can adjust their natural default-setting this way are often described as being “well adjusted,” which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Given the triumphal academic setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default-setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets tricky. Probably the most dangerous thing about college education, at least in my own case, is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract arguments inside my head instead of simply paying attention to what’s going on right in front of me. Paying attention to what’s going on inside me. As I’m sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head. Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come  gradually to understand that the liberal-arts cliché about “teaching you how to think” is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: “Learning how to think” really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about “the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.” This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in the head. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger. And I submit that this is what the real, no-bull- value of your liberal-arts education is supposed to be about: How to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default-setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone, day in and day out.

That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. So let’s get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what “day in, day out” really means. There happen to be whole large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I’m talking about.

By way of example, let’s say it’s an average day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging job, and you work hard for nine or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired, and you’re stressed out, and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for a couple of hours and then hit the rack early because you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there’s no food at home — you haven’t had time to shop this week, because of your challenging job — and so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It’s the end of the workday, and the traffic’s very 3 bad, so getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there the supermarket is very crowded, because of course it’s the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping, and the store’s hideously, fluorescently lit, and infused with soul-killing Muzak or corporate pop, and it’s pretty much the last place you want to be, but you can’t just get in and quickly out: You have to wander all over the huge, overlit store’s crowded aisles to find the stuff you want, and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts, and of course there are also the glacially slow old people and the spacey people and the ADHD kids who all block the aisle and you have to grit your teeth and try to be polite as you ask them to let you by, and eventually, finally, you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren’t enough checkout lanes open even though it’s the end-of-the-day-rush, so the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating, but you can’t take your fury out on the frantic lady working the register.

Anyway, you finally get to the checkout line’s front, and pay for your food, and wait to get your check or card authenticated by a machine, and then get told to “Have a nice day” in a voice that is the absolute voice of death, and then you have to take your creepy flimsy plastic bags of groceries in your cart through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and try to load the bags in your car in such a way that everything doesn’t fall out of the bags and roll around in the trunk on the way home, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, SUV-intensive rush-hour traffic, etcetera, etcetera.

The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing comes in. Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and if I don’t make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, I’m going to be pissed and miserable every time I have to food-shop, because my natural default-setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me, about my hungriness and my fatigue and my desire to just get home, 4 and it’s going to seem, for all the world, like everybody else is just in my way, and who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem here in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line, and look at how deeply unfair this is: I’ve worked really hard all day and I’m starved and tired and I can’t even get home to eat and unwind because of all these stupid god-damn people. Or, of course, if I’m in a more socially conscious form of my default-setting, I can spend time in the end-of-the-day traffic jam being angry and disgusted at all the huge, stupid, lane-blocking SUV’s and Hummers and V-12 pickup trucks burning their wasteful, selfish, forty-gallon tanks of gas, and I can dwell on the fact that the patriotic or religious bumper stickers always seem to be on the biggest, most disgustingly selfish vehicles driven by the ugliest, most inconsiderate and aggressive drivers, who are usually talking on cell phones as they cut people off in order to get just twenty stupid feet ahead in a traffic jam, and I can think about how our children’s children will despise us for wasting all the future’s fuel and probably screwing up the climate, and how spoiled and stupid and disgusting we all are, and how it all just sucks, and so on and so forth… Look, if I choose to think this way, fine, lots of us do — except that thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic it doesn’t have to be a choice. Thinking this way is my natural default-setting. It’s the automatic, unconscious way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I’m operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world’s priorities. The thing is that there are obviously different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stuck and idling in my way: It’s not impossible that some of these people in SUV’s have been in horrible auto accidents in the past and now find driving so traumatic that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to 5 drive; or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he’s trying to rush to the hospital, and he’s in a way bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am — it is actually I who am in his way. Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket’s checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have much harder, more tedious or painful lives than I do, overall. Again, please don’t think that I’m giving you moral advice, or that I’m saying you’re “supposed to” think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it, because it’s hard, it takes will and mental effort, and if you’re like me, some days you won’t be able to do it, or you just flatout won’t want to. But most days, if you’re aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-madelady who just screamed at her little child in the checkout line — maybe she’s not usually like this; maybe she’s been up three straight nights holding the hand of her husband who’s dying of bone cancer, or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the Motor Vehicles Dept. who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a nightmarish red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it’s also not impossible — it just depends on what you want to consider. If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is and who and what is really important — if you want to operate on your default-setting — then you, like me, will not consider possibilities that aren’t pointless and annoying. But if you’ve really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, loud, slow, consumer-hell-type situation as not only meaningful but sacred, on fire with the same force that lit the stars — compassion, love, the sub-surface unity of all things. Not that that mystical stuff’s necessarily true: The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re going to try to see it. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship… Because here’s something else that’s true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship — be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles — is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on. Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing. And the world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race” — the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing. I know that this stuff probably doesn’t sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational. What it is, so far as I can see, is the truth with a whole lot of rhetorical bullshit pared away. Obviously, you can think of it whatever you wish. But please don’t dismiss it as some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this is about morality, or religion, or dogma, or big fancy questions of life after death. The capital-T Truth is about life before death. It is about making it to 30, or maybe 50, without wanting to shoot yourself in the head. It is about simple awareness — awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over: “This is water, this is water.” It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive, day in and day out.

I have been inspired by this speech and I believe it helped me relieve anxiety sometimes. I even wrote a simple poem that is somewhat related to This is water(which I will be posting on my next blog) 🙂

What do you think?

MACAU 2016 – DAY 3

Day 3 (November 8, 2016)

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The park ‘s beautiful fountain. First stop for the day.
(But before that, breakfast at McDonald’s AND their Chocolate/Strawberry Shakes are to die for!)

Its our last day we already felt at home.

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I’ll stay here, I don’t wanna go 🙂
Our laid back Itinerary consist of a visit around the  park (very close to our place) Praca De Luis Cameos.

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Then a quick stop over at Sofitel and tried playing casino at least. We didn’t win! I don’t know if we just don’t understand the game or I don’t really have what they call beginners Luck. Hehehe

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Shopping Time 
We returned to Senado Square since we needed to buy simple pasalubong and souvenirs.

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Since I really wanted to use some of my extra cash to buy pasalubong, I eagerly looked for Money Changer but to no success. There was a bank that don’t accept PHP and the one at the center of the square have a really high exange rate.

I almost gave up on the idea.

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The life saver. 

By some stroke of luck, I was able to pass by a souvenir shop with a Filipino attendant who told me that they accept Peso! I was really thankful! Aside from the fact that I can use my extra Php, their exchange rate is really low and that’s not all they exchanged it for  Hongkong Dollars!

What an Amazing Bargain!

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The place was located in one of the corner in the main street from the Ruins to Senado. It’s hard to describe but just look around, you’ll see it! 🙂
I promised ate that to blog and share this secret gem in the busy streets of Senado.

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This reminded me of Now You see me 2? Any magical equipment? I wonder.
We then embarked on another around of free tasting as we buy our pasalubong.

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This curry fishballs are really good and entirely different from what we have there in the streets of Manila 
20161108_161112one last bite my dear egg tart.You will be missed. 

And so, time passed so fast. There was only few hours left before our flight back home. As all good things must come to an end. We went back to our place, packed our bags and left.

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So long and goodbye…

oh wait!

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FEW HELPFUL TIPS

  • Have your Money exchanged here in PH (its more expensive there based on my experience)
  • Take advantage of the free water in Hotels Drink while you are there (and take home some bottle if you want 🙂
  • There are always free show’s at the hotels (Wynn Palace Fountain Show is a Must!)
  • Skittles at 7/11 is a lot cheaper than in MNL (I think)
  • Taste the chocolate/strawberry shake at McDonald’s ( I hope they still have it)
  • Bus is the best/cheapest way to commute, make sure to KEEP YOUR COINS it will be very useful!
  • If you are going to buy souvenir at Senado Square visit the shop I mention above. They are cheaper and accepts PHP!
  • Don’t be shy to say Hi to our  Kababayan’s and ask for directions when needed (they are very helpful) -Ate cha
  • Plan ahead for your daily itinerary and the routes of your destinations to maximize the time(Some stops are near multiple tourist spots) -Ate cha
  • Masarap daw ung Curry Fishballs and I agree!They are located on the side of the streets near the Ruins)

and most of all

NEVER BE AFRAID TO GET LOST, EXPLORE AND DISCOVER.

MACAU 2016 – DAY 2

Day 2 (November 7, 2016)

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Dropped by Lisboa Hotel 

Walking is our best friend! And what better way to start the day than to walk, and so we did. Our first stop for the day was Guia Fortress, so our initial plan was to walk to the central bus terminal (with a side trip at Lisboa Hotel).

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Little did we know that we are bound to walk to Guia Fortress as well! Which I believe took us about an hour of walking, that felt like forever! We kept on asking for directions, looking at the map and we still have no idea where we are. It came to a point where we are physically exhausted and terribly lost but we have to keep moving. All thanks to kuya guard at Lisboa (who said that the fortress was just near-define near kuya)!

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Me in my walk-and-you’ll-get-there-smile
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Ate cha on the move, let’s get it on pa sya dito.
It was quite an experience!

We tried to imagine how far we have gone….

Surprise surprise! the moment we reached the Guia Fortress IT WAS CLOSED!

Yesterday the fountain show was under renovation and now after a long walk we failed to check Guia Fortress schedule (which was closed on Mondays!).

No point in crying over spilled milk, we moved on to our next destination. A’ma Temple.

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A’ma Temple is known as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

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It was the oldest temple in Macau which was built in the year 1488!
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Denim on denim with ancient rock 

Now, from A’ma Temple we had a little struggle going to Macau Tower since the bus stops are very confusing plus it’s too hot in the middle of the day!

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another nice view we stumbled upon getting lost in the city
We eventually found our way and made a quick visit at the Macau Tower before riding the free shuttle to City of Dreams where we will start our Hotel Hopping! 😉

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The outcome of my best effort to take a close up photo of the Macau Tower
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Excuse Kuya’s head hehehe, I took this while waiting for traffic light, very quick lang.

First Stop: The Venetian!

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 this is the closest I can ever be to Venice 🙂 …for now!
It somehow lived up to my expectations

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Hello crowd, pa-emote lang saglit :).Sorry medyo blurred.
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Tourista pose!From the Ceiling to the walls everything is just beautiful .
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Watching the Gondola like a little kid (BTW ate is a Filipina!) 
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We had our lunch there and man!was it expensive!

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Next Stop: The Parisian 

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Paris in Macau

It was a new Hotel with the same group company as the The Venetian! No wonder the design was also as intricate.

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I enjoyed walking down the hallway it was so huge with classical music on the background it felt like I would encounter Ma. Antoinette at any moment! Haha

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tada! I have the Chateau all by myself!(medyo blurred ulit,hehe)
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Hmmmm thinking about how it would really feel if I was in Paris!
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Need I say more?
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For a second I thought it was Chateau Versailles, don’t you thinks so?

BTW there is a Kiosk of Lord Stow’s in between the hotels, the Egg Tart was worth every penny of its price!

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While deciding what to do next, a Filipino hotelier at the Parisian heard our conversation which eventually ended our predicament. He highly recommend that we visit Wynn Palace Hotel (There in Cotai).

So we did!

WYNN PALACE HOTEL

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Dreamy details inside the hotel! 🙂

And it was like the ultimate gift of the day!Giving us everything that we missed the other days!

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Cable Car ride! (I have terrible fear of heights and so is Ate cha, but we did it!)

The Wynn Palace Hotel  Cable Car ride was from outside all the way up to the building’s entrance (did I say its Free!)

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The gap between the Hotel and the fountain would be the main route for the Cable Car ride!
The hotel smelled so good!

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By the way, those are fresh flowers! and they are spinning while Jack-in-a-box occasionally pops out! 
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The hotel was surrounded by fresh flowers I wonder how they maintain it! Very soothing indeed.
I love their playlist too! while roaming around they played Michael Buble’ songs and even Jack Johnson’s! ♥

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Yes, mirror selfie…in the comfort room!Which already looked like a hotel suite!
At the end of the day were are still able to the cable car, watch the fountain show and really have a good time.

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AND THAT CONCLUDES OUR ROLLER COASTER SECOND DAY – BONJOUR!

MACAU 2016- DAY 1

2nd week of October 2016

The weekend after my tremendous heartbreak, (BREAKING MY YEARLY PLEDGE TO GO OUT OF THE COUNTRY SINCE I WAS 23) I decided to spend my grieving days at my Aunt’s house. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, my cousin suddenly sat by my side and asked me casually if I wanted to go to Macau or Malaysia. My heart leaped. I don’t want to get my hopes up but then we went on with the plan. We decided Macau as our destination because the last time my cousin and I went to Honkong we were not able to visit Macau. I was cool with it, because I’m the one-country-at-a-time-kind of lad. haha! Anyway! So we booked our flight the same date (well almost the same as our Hanoi Trip). After that, we found a cheap accommodation via Air B&B. and that’s it!

Before I knew it, we are already lost in Macau.

After arriving at Macau international airport we were instructed by our contact from Air B&B to ride the bus 26 outside the terminal. Oblivious with the bus cycle in the city, we hop on the wrong bus no. 26 and landed at the other side of the country. Good thing we are able to find someone who can talk English!(after 3 attempts) most of them don’t know how to speak English and this hard truth unfolded again as we were about to eat our dinner after safely arriving at our place. We were served with bread even if it was not included in our order, it was with the power of pointing and nodding that we are able to communicate and order food. But then, there was a sudden uproar between the two service crew which seems to involve our orders, No need to speak their language it was obvious that the extra sandwich that was served to us was actually meant for another customer!

Day 1 (November 6, 2016)

We got up early in the morning to visit the nearby church plus it’s also Sunday. After being thankful for the safe trip and all the blessings we received (special mention my brother!)  we head out to the Ruins of Saint Paul.

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A hidden Street towards the Ruins 🙂

It was about 5-10 minutes walk from our place.

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Grabbed the chance to pose with this Pretty Pink Building

This unconventional route led us to some lovely shots.

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My fave photo for the Day was a Glimpse of The Ruins without any hint how crowded it was up there.

Kudos to my cousin Ate Cha! For her hidden talent in Photography! All my solo shots (and more to come) are taken by her.

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Tada! The Ruins of Saint Paul 🙂

Then, we head out to Monte Fort which was just beside the Ruins.

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View from the top(You can almost see the whole city!(Macau.Macau)
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Too bad! Macau Museum is Closed During Sunday!
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After Exploring Monte Fort, Senado Square was our next destination which was actually just a few steps away from both Monte Fort and The Ruins.

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Crowded streets of Senado Square
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St. Dominic Church in Yellow and Green
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Walking in Senado Square was quite entertaining!

Aside from the beautiful Spanish architecture, you can see different kinds of shops (Local and International Brands) and stores that offers free taste of their products from cookies to jerky! ♥

Make sure to taste the almond cookies!

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The Famous delicacy in Macau-Portuguese Egg Tart!
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Jerky overload! They offer free taste for this too!
After all the walking, picture-taking and sight-seeing, we decided return to our place just to take a rest.  After an hour or two we then decided to visit Fisherman’s Wharf.

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our lunch! it was worth it! Sweet&Sour Fish Fillet  and Chicken Curry Steak 🙂 

With stomach full, we went directly to Fisher Mans Wharf with slight view of the Gran Prix route on our way there.

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On the other side is  where you would probably see the race tracks 🙂

We didn’t know what to expect since there was really no good review about the place.

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Here they park boats instead of cars hahaha
The place was quite huge with fewer people.

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Four Yachts and Counting!

Despite of its beautiful European aesthetics, some of the shops are closed, there were only selected restaurants that operate, and there is nothing much to do there. Ironically I was able to enjoy the place even more (Less crowd and exquisite surroundings)! It was perfect for pictorial!

The following photo’s are all taken by my super supportive cousin turned IG photographer!

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OLA SPAÑA
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MAID IN CHINA 🙂
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LE FRANCE
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HERE IN HUNGARY
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WHEN IN ROME
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ANG INIT SA ATHENS
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ANYEONG KOREA

As the day was about to end, we then walked towards Macau Ferry Terminal to ride a free shuttle bus going to Wynn Hotel and watch their fountain show. Sadly, after reaching the hotel we learned that the fountain show area was currently under renovation.

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We are still able to enjoy the free drinks and mini shows here though
And then, on our way home…we passed by this view instead!

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The Macau Tower and the bridge that connects the Islands of Macau (Taipa to Coloagne if I’am not mistaken)

 

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It was like unrequited love all over again, when I finally decided to accept the fact that my long-awaited trip to Vietnam won’t materialize. 💔

Travel is the only luxury I allow myself to indulge  into. Given my current employment status/my salary, it is indeed a luxury. I always try my best to make ends meet with my modest income, the bills I have to pay, my needs (sometimes wants) and other responsibilities upon my shoulder without jeopardizing my cherished budget for travelling.

I started to save as early as the start of 2016 since we booked our flight at the first quarter of the year (March 8 to be exact).Every time I have that urge to travel out-of-town, I would fight it with all my might thinking that I would spend an entire 8 days in Hanoi (Vietnam) anyway. I would tell myself that it would be an awesome trip so it’s worth the wait.Yes! We booked the flight for 8 days because we initially planned to cross broader to Laos, but eventually realized that we would not be able to bear the 20 hours ride given that it’s also in a foreign country so we finally gave up on that idea.

Longer travel time is synonymous to higher expenses, which means I need to level up my budget for this trip. I diligently saved money. I looked for different ways to earn extra income which was so unsteady, dedicated myself to overtime whenever I get the chance to do so. I have tightened my expenses as much as possible. Joining a giveaway on Instagram was quite helpful too!;)

Before I knew it October came without a sound. I was so busy with everything that is going on around me, plus the extra hustles that I put my self through and I didn’t realize that it’s a month before our trip and we are still Unprepared! Not with my travel money at least but with the fact that we still don’t have an accommodation,no itinerary and most of all no OOTD. 😱

Slowly the feeling of sadness crept in. But,I refused to dwell on the fact that there was a 90% chance this trip wont happen anymore. I still held on to the 10% possibility that it will. I cheered myself by looking at the photos of possible tourist spots that we could visit, Instagram and blog posts too. I browsed my closet for possible outfit knowing it’s winter in Vietnam by the time we visit. I saw the coat I bought last June with my friend. And then, it hit me again. Where did all our excitement go? When did it started to be a bother instead of anticipation? I really don’t know, all I know is that my supposed travel buddy won’t be able to make it anymore. Then, a slight tore in my heart was heard as I held on that coat and reminiscing the supposed plan we had. I snapped back to reality and prepared an itinerary the next day. (Note: it was already the second week of October 2016).

The itinerary I prepared has three versions. I came up with plan A, B and C just to show how eager I was to travel no matter what. Plan A was the original 8 days with my friend with a possible overnight trip to Ha Long Bay, Trang Ahn, Sapa or Ho Chi Minh.  Plan B was a solo Itinerary for 8 days without any travel outside Hanoi since it’s my first solo travel abroad and I don’t want to make my  mother all worried with the idea.  Plan C was a 5 days trip with the hopes of cancelling my flight and scheduling it 3 days earlier so there would be a higher possibility that my friend could come with me. But soon enough all this plans fell apart. I immediately scrapped plan C after I confirmed that moving my flight would cost me more than half of what I could spend for this entire trip(Twelve Thousand Php to be exact, for a one way ticket!). Eventually tossing aside Plan B on the list too when I realized that 8 days would be too much if I will just stay in Hanoi given the fact that I am all alone too. I can’t even fill day 5 to day 8 of my itinerary. As with plan A, I never heard from my friend. And so I took a deep breath, halt, closed my eyes and prepared myself for the full crack of my heart…

it ain’t over til its over – Yogi Berra 

Stumbled upon this song on Spotify and fell in love with it. I loved how Kacy sang it with peculiarity and ease plus the rhythm is very soothing despite its painful lyrics. oh! don’t even get me started with the lyrics. Instead, I posted the lyrics below and just highlighted the part I truly liked (I could have highlighted the entire song!haha)

  I hope you guys enjoy this song as much as I do.

 

[Verse 1]
You come and go and you’ll stay as you please
Convinced a moment’s time is all that I need
These temporary highs can’t make me believe
That your feelings are true

[Pre-Chorus]
Holding out your hand
While you turn your head
I don’t want half of your love
Empty words you’ve said
Bare unraveled thread
You know it’s never enough

[Chorus]
You can’t love me this way
You can’t keep me in chains
You can’t lead me astray
From an arm’s length away

[Verse 2]
You search for breathing space while I’m undersea
Tell me to wait so you can sort through your needs
Keep leaving trails that you’ll follow to me
I can’t let you get through

[Pre-Chorus]
Holding out your hand
While you turn your head
I don’t want half of your love
Empty words you’ve said
Bare unraveled thread
You know it’s never enough

[Chorus]
You can’t love me this way
You can’t keep me in chains
You can’t lead me astray
From an arm’s length away

[Bridge]
Your absence won’t define me now
Held up my end with breath I’ve found
Surrendered time to solid ground, solid ground

[Chorus]
You can’t love me this way
You can’t keep me in chains
You can’t lead me astray
From an arm’s length away
You can’t love me this way
You can’t keep me in chains
You can’t lead me astray
From an arm’s length away
You can’t love me this way
You can’t keep me in chains

 

 

 

 

The song is ultimately about realizing your own self worth and understanding that you can’t give all of yourself to someone that only wants to give so much of themselves to you. – Kacy Hill